SO BRILLIANT.
I think JoBeth Williams totally deserves a Scream Queen title for Poltergeist, don’t you?
31 Horror Movies I Own #22: Phantasm
Okay, okay, I know. Phantasm is not really that scary…it’s just completely bizarre, but I love it because of all its hilarious glory.
This 1979 low-budget gore-fest was the brainchild of Don Coscarelli, who managed to put together something that would become a cult classic, mainly due to an impressively creep-tastic performance by Angus Scrimm as “The Tall Man” and super-fast flying silver death balls that bore into your face and drain the blood out of your body.
So it goes like this: two orphans named Jody and Mike stumble upon a terrible secret—the local mausoleum is stealing bodies and killing townspeople to gain power and you know, eventually conquer the world. With the help of their friend ( ? – his role is never clearly explained), they decide to take on The Tall Man and stop the murdering.
The things that aren’t so scary are precisely what make this film one of my favorites. The giant fly that Mike stuffs down the garbage disposal, the grave-robbing minions that look a lot like Jawas, Reggie’s ridiculous ponytail and ice cream man suit, and Scrimm yelling “Booooyyyyy!” as he storms clumsily down the mausoleum hallways.
This is a definite must for horror fans that love humor, and really just fascinating overall to see. I’ve also viewed all the sequels, and while the second is equally ridiculous in an 80s way, the third and forth really aren’t worth watching (unless you want to see Reggie score with slutty chicks…and I can’t imagine who would).
Bottom line: over 30 years later, I still think Phantasm rules.
31 Horror Movies I Own #11: The Return of the Living Dead
“Send. More. Cops.”
If any movie cemented my love for Zombie apocalypses, it has to be 1985’s The Return of the Living Dead. Like any good horror-obsessed-alternative teenager in the 80s, I saw this (it has The Cramps and The Damned on the soundtrack, for chrissakes!) before the original Romero Night of the Living Dead—a fine ground-breaking film in its own right, but without the glamour and glitz of this blood-soaked, special F/X-laden, naked punk-rock dancing girl extravaganza.
Opening at Uneeda Medical Supply Warehouse, foreman Frank tries to impress new teenage employee Freddy by showing him a long-abandoned US Army container holding one of the Zombies from the original film. Of course, Freddy fucks things up by “accidentally” releasing the seal on the thing, causing toxic gas to shoot up into the atmosphere and rain down on the cemetery conveniently located next to Uneeda.
A fantastic sequence involving re-animated cut-in-half dogs, pinned-down butterflies and corpses on meat hooks follows, cementing the bent humor of this film and illustrating exactly WHY I love it so much.
Throw in Freddy’s girlfriend Tina, the only good girl amongst her hardcore partying punk friends (???), and you’ve got a recipe for some tasty Zombie dinner. Of course, Freddy and Frank are headed for bad news themselves, as the virus slowly kills them and turns them into the same things they’re running from.
There are tons of great lines in RotLD to match the awesome scenes—so many that I can’t possibly mention them ALL here, but a few favorites are (of course) the iconic “Send more cops” uttered by a hungry Zombie who gets a hold of the radio in a police car after chowing down on the poor officers’ brains, and Freddy’s starve-tinged voice screaming at Tina “If you really loved me, you’d let me eat your brains!” Way to charm a girl, Fred.
All the actors in this thing are fantastic and hilarious, including the breakout performance of Scream Queen Linnea Quigley as flame-haired Trash, the aforementioned naked punk-rock girl whose worst fear is realized when the inhabits of the graveyard emerge.
This is a hilarious classic with lots of inventive gore that cannot be missed. If you haven’t seen it, you NEED to.
A note on the sequels: each one has their own charm, but none offer the complete packages of the first. Part 2 was mostly “meh”, a bland copy of this one. Part 3 gets a bit more interesting, offering up a newly zombie-ized chick who takes her love of S&M a bit too far, and Part 4 (Necropolis) was back to “meh” again, because it just tried too hard. I actually haven’t gotten around to Part 5 because, enough is enough, people.
31 Horror Movies I Own #7: Poltergeist
“You moved the headstones, but not the graves!”
Another Tobe Hooper masterpiece, Poltergeist is one of those rare horror movies that ages well. Despite its 1982 filming date, it doesn’t really feel that dated (unless you pay attention to the electronics…) and still holds up.
The story of the Freelings and their encounter with the group of ghosts living in their house could come of as campy and comical, especially with the inclusion of Zelda Rubenstein’s squeaky-voiced Tangina. But this thing is so well written and packed with suspense, that it reads as straight-up terror.
The focus of the film is the disappearance of angelic daughter Carol Anne, who joins the poltergeists by way of being sucked into a bedroom closet. Most horror films lose something in one area or another, but Poltergeist has the magic trinity of a strong script, kick-ass special F/X AND good actors.
The build-up of ghostly activity coupled with the breakdown of parents Steve (Craig T. Nelson) and Diana (a smokin’ hot Jo Beth Williams) is amazing to watch, and this is the movie that both made me afraid of large trees and ensured I would never have any kind of clown doll anywhere near me (look at that thing!), like FOREVER.
If you’ve been avoiding this because you think it might be lame, or if you’ve only seen parts of it, I urge you to get over it and rent away. This movie is so fantastic that I love it a little more every time I watch it—and the ending is perfect.
As far as the sequels go, 2 has its gross-out moments (the possessed tequila worm is pretty icktastic), and Kane is sufficiently creepy, but it’s just not as good as the original. The 3rd is so bad it’s *almost* good, in that “let’s knock back a couple of drinks and laugh our asses off” kind of way…or you know, if you happen to enjoy watching a very young Lara Flynn Boyle scream a lot. I’m just sayin’.
